Being 23 and a Single Unmarried Woman

Soon i'll be 23 oopss... Sorry 24. Still getting used to being 23.
So yeah i'll be 24, So from other's perspective I AM- Unmarried, In no relation or maybe having an "Affair", Living Independently in some city which is not safe, Managing responsibilities on her own, On some job, Having an attitude, Shrugging away from "Settling Down"topic, Saying no to "Incoming Rishtey" and The most Talked bout... "You-are- marriage -material -You- should-get- married -now- so- that- you- have- someone- to- support you."  comment receiever.

I have no problems in getting married but marriage is not just two families  meeting and let "ladka-ladki " deciding whether they like each other or not? Its more of companionship- where you share responsibilities, fight equally, share finances, share the parenting, sharing thought processes and most important of all -celebrating and respecting each other as individuals and not as some person  to be laden with expectations and be  objectified. It has more to do with the bond that you share with the person you love, the person whom you are sharing life with.

 So here somethings that are in my mind when marriage is flashed upon me.

1-Companionship-The ONE or the HUSBAND.is not a person i want to spend my life being his WIFE. I would rather be his companion. I think most people don't know the true and deeper meaning of COMPANION. That's why most marriages that i have come across have turned sour or one being dependent on other, or just lost the spark. Companion is someone who is your best friend, one whom you can share your inner self ,true self without being judged or labelled. you celebrate the individual characteristics that define them. You help them develop into the best person they can be. You know their inner core. You are these two circles entwined but still separate. You have the good vibe around when you are with each other.

2-Mental Clarity, Emotional stability-As much as People say that so and so age is the ripe age to get married, I agree to it only to certain extent where the reproduction phenomena is concerned. You may get married, have a child when the time is right but what about the mental stamina, emotional preparation and sensibility towards these issues that are not taken into account when the girl is into the prospective zone? Doesn't her mental stability, her own emotional stability, her thinking matters?

Also relationships form a very large part of our being. And no matter how they are, they need the love,care & nurturing like we care for a newborn. Do both people have that kind of mental clarity, emotional clarity, Mechanisms of finding solutions to the differences or conflict and the energy to sustain and flourish a positive relationship? After all, both should be aware and prepared for the conflicts or differences that would come along. Whats the point of having a marriage where one of the partner is not prepared and has to go through lot of disturbances only to turn the marriage into a sour experience.

3-Different people, Different experiences- Just because your friend is getting married does not mean you have too. And in our society pressure is the worst thing. The most hated one by me is -"You are a girl and becoming a burden on your parents so get married." I mean what the hell ? What kind of logic is that?  If that was the problem then please by all means girls should be married off the moment they are born. People please respect that woman are also individuals who think, have opinions, have identity crisis, have ambitions, dreams and wishes. Pressure is never the solution to the problem.

For now. these are my thoughts on marriage as an institution in India.

That selfish phase

i recently broke up and my boyfriend sms'ed me with a break up messege!! my first reaction was wow he is really stupid and i was drunk the whole time! :( :O what the hell was i thinking!

yet somehow i dont feel that intensified sad or have those pangs of crying! :/ i had a conversation with my best bud and she said that u were mentally prepared for it dats y. u also knew that it wont work btwn u both ! and damn she ws right nd inside i felt that it was true coz subconciously i was prepared for it. :x 

but as i sit back nd go thru my memories  about all my relationships i just feel and see a pattern coming of dating the wrong -seriously wrong type of guyz. no doubt i was child too but then those guyz werent adult as such. i see a my relations as ground of emotional dependencies.. nd now this pattern i am understanding! i reallly have to modify myself! 

and now this phase or stage of life has begun where i am currently focusing on myself to enhance grow learn enrich flourish myself. i know it will be difficult but a very beautiful phase of my life and i am looking fwd to it. i dont need any guy to tell me my worth and make me feel good. my self respect shud be made by me and not by someone's tantrums and moods and behaviours. 

my teacher of grapho quoted that to be selfless u have to be SELF. u need to have self to care for someone else. true it is.

And now i look forward to this phase of my life. :) :) :)

Being an adult is tough too!

Oh man i am 22! I still cant get over the FACT that i am 22. But chronological age doesn't matter as long as the mental age is good enough and matching to it! The day i turned 22 only two things are revolving around me.- "beta agey kya karne wale ho job ya education????" or the most loved topic by parents and relatives- "beta ab toh umar ho rahi hai shadi kab karoge? as if grooms are just sitting and waitng for me to turn 22! GOSH!!!! What the hell m juz 22 man i am still growing up!!!!! I have just started to know the world through my eyes and my perception! how can i just predecide about my future when i am confused! Now before u even say "confuse hona buri baat ha"i lemmi juz stop u thr! Thr are two types of confusions acc to me- good confusion and bad confusion- bad confusion involves knowing nothing at all with no knowledge of the decisions your gonna make and good confusion involves whr u know ur pros and cons and hav atleast some knowledge bout it and are still confused. That shows that atleast i know something, m not dumb enough to do thing that evryone does! i have a mind of my own which in my terms is working very well!

I have a mind of my own which needs exploring- of food, of society, of my future, of genuine people, of evrything!!!!!! How can u just ask me what i want to do? Now your'e gonna say that "tumhari generation toh aise hi hai kuch focus hai hi nai". GET OVER IT! We do have a focus and that is evolving ourselves into better persons- spiritually, behaviour-wise,knowledge-wise, and most important- a person without any regrets who has LIVED his life and DID what HE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO! I always kind of envied and admired, both, the character of Bunny played by Ranbir Kapoor in Yeh Jawnai Hai Deewani! I cant b like Naina- who just studies to earn a living and does nothing for herself! When i get old i don't wanna tell my grandkids - Oh i just got married and settled down and did nothing for myself! When i grow old i wanna tell my grandkids that i did something for myself and only for MYSELF!
Let me make choices my own choices, which has my mind in it, so that i don't regret later- "oh i could have done that"!

The big bad world!

When we were little our parents always used to say never to venture out alone or on your own. I always used to wonder why.. why do they say like that? Don't they trust us?
But in my living out of home, in Pune, where i came to pursue my higher studies, i now understand why our parents used to say so... its because its a big bad world out there. and its true. Always in our cocoons we would have never imagined world going so bad. All we have grown up is with fairytales,happy endings and non-teary episodes of cartoons!

But seeing relationships going down the drain, marriages falling apart,families turning against each other.... its not a happy scene and it hurts to me to the core.

i always wonder why it happens and answers i get- "Oh its because we have a society like that". "Oh the world is like that only lil' one! "

what i don't get is we are the ones who make up the society or the world we live in... then why such bad things happen. why cant we try honestly to do something good and make a better society

i have seen people behaving with me rudely not talking to me or even bitching bout me but i guess life just moves on.. u can never stay at the same point in your life. We all are here to learn and not to hurt each other we are all the same then why the difference?

All i can say and do is good deeds always shine!

School ki yaadein

This is not a poem juzz a personal memoir...!

School ki yaariyan
corridor ki mastiyan

ek raat ki padai
doston ke sath ladai

teachers ki special classes
general tadi in masses

voh crush ka nam lena
aur doston ko vade dena

last minute explanation
aur cheating with attention

velagiri karna
marks se darna

doston ka family function
to ghar par reaction

chupkar mcd jana
baad mai pakde jana

grouping ki complaint
fir kehna-" tu aya bada saint"

confession depression point
scl ka most happening nd silly joint

in sabme kahin simat gaya school!

Retrospection with rains

Rains..

And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.

I just so love rainsss........... today i danced and enjoyed in rains.. Its been years since i did that! Since childhood i have always connected with rains.. I have fond memories which are strongly associated with rains.
 One is going upstairs with lightening speed with umbrella in hand  and bursting open the terrace door nd running into thundering rains!!! and playing with umbrella like the actoresess do in films! :D
Another being the hot moong bhajiyas nd tomato ketchup! ooohhhh hot bhajiyas nd pleasant atmosphere! oooohh lalala! :)) 
 My favourite memory being monsoon would bring the new session, new beginning of school year ! :) 


The fun part of rains always remains but it has a more personal touch to it which only some people understand and know and appreciate. That is the depth and its charm to lure person for having a self-reflection journey.


The thunders remind me of joys nd sorrows one has in his life.... the strong feelings of happiness and sadness  depicts the intensity of  thunders in my perspective.
The rain, for me, depicts the memories associated with sorrows and rains
I have always considered monsoons as "me time" season. Its always good to take a tour within oneself to discover the mysteries of oneself, the good , the bad , the ugly side of ourselves. To live a healthy life one has to to have a balanced mind- that only comes with self -retrospection, to come in acceptance with your faults your strengths and your weaknesses .

Almost all my creations were triggered by rains.... they always inspire me and turn on my creative side.
I juzz feel so myself in rains.. its like meeting with oneself again only with the acceptance of faults and qualities i have in myself. 
As much as i have observed people always tend to focus on negtive aspects or sorrows but i shall only say embrace them. Evaluate them and you wil see the positivity of sorrows as they show you how much u hav become stronger and the wisdom you have acquired.



Rains always give you time to see the beauty of nature around us. The greenery has so much freshness and the fragnance of wet mud ahhh...:) Mood always freshens up . Nature has so much serene and soothing scenes in rains. Nature is at its best in rains. It emits positive vibes everywhere. It reminds me of  an infant innocently smiling up at u- the smile radiating happiness.

So all i gotta request that once in a while go and get wet in rains and let those little power droplets take you on a small journey inside . The end result will be a smile which would be as bright as the greenery and freshness of nature.

College memories.....

Someone truly said time flies so fast! It seems like yesterday that i came to pursue my graduate degree! and now three years of my college life is gone in just a snap. i wonder -"WHERE THE HELL DID IT GO??". Then answers pop in my mind in the form of memories- The good , The bad , The ugly. The rush of memories.... and a movie starts in my mind the one we make using windows movie maker :P. a song close to my heart slowly starts up in the back of my mind- ye voh jagah hai jispar kabhi...... khele the humtum milkar sabhi..... beeti hue un yadon mai..... pyaari pyaari un baaton mai.... dhundu tujhe har taraf dhundu apne khwabon mai...... yaadon mai tuu...... yaddon mai tu........
My first year was all gone in knowing the people, the city, the real friends, managing oneself, confronting the vulnerability of living away from family, financing, COMMUTING BY CITY BUS AND WAKING UP FOR IT AT 5:30 JUZ TO ATTEND 7 O'CLOCK LEC, venturing out for food joints, for bday parties and discovering funspots, figuring out the world, the silly college one sided crushes, being a lil crazzy for shopping for footwears and silently crying at nights coz u feel homesick nd miss ur frds... :(

All the mad stuff of first year gave way to second year which asked a serious question-"Which spcl subject ru going to take shweta?"- simple. Psychology. Another major change awaited. Chnage of location of my residency in pune. Location- A P.G. Never thopught in my wild dreams that i would live in a pg. Heard from so many ppl that it isnt that good. U never know what kind of freaks u get as landlords. But thank god and to raadha , i got a very good p.g and i was spared from bad experience. yay! And living with your best friend-cum-sister who knows u since u actually start to undertsand the functioning of the world, relations etc..... is amazingg!!!!! Though sum habits annoy but u adjust :D . No biggie issue! U know thr is this person w8ing for u when u get back from coll tired and irritated by the teachers, stupid silliest frds nd dumb fights, and she is all ears :) aahhhhh relief!!!! :D
Second year a high time to finalise your career! yet ur what elderly ppl love to quote-"JAWAN KHOON HAI. THEY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IN FUTURE". But glad i wasnt that much confused . Pphheewwww!!! :O
I got to know my real actual friends and wellwishers who accept me as i am. M glad to get rid of unwnted elements. I met SHALMALI, POORNIMA, ROHAN,GEETA,MADHURA and lovely teachers. Learning psyhco was much more fun with them. :).
Financing i finally started learning since i started to live in pg. Pg didnt feel as pg coz my landlady is very sweet is her own stern way, so it feels as a home away from home. Though nothing can replace the feel of HOME and esp INDORE :D :D. Learned spanish and made ossum frds inspite of age differences. Sad cudnt continue it.

Third year- HHmmmmmm- GHUBAD :P starting of the year didnt feel like last year , just the same mastiii, making of plans, flopping of plans but now future is in our hands. Bonds became more strong nd r still going on..... :) PROJECT and PRACTICAL tensions......, eating nirvana at canteen, stupid irritating fights, planning of future, promises of friendship , REALITIES OF PEOPLE CONFRONTED!! realisation of the deepness of bonds, dreams.....


All these memories....... are mine & to stay etched in my heart and mind....